SOULUTIONS
Answers for Everything
Krista-Lynn Landolfi
Krista-Lynn Landolfi is a leader in the field of transformational coaching. A spiritual teacher and coach since the age of 19, Krista-Lynn has personally helped thousands of individuals to create the life of their dreams. Through her work as an actress, writer, and radio show host she has reached millions of people around the world.
Krista-Lynn teaches a wide array of inspiring and empowering workshops, and is available in person, or by phone, for personal consultation.
Have a problem? (And really, who doesn't?!?)
Krista-Lynn will provide you with an easy to follow soulution.
Send your question to:
GetAnswers@Krista-Lynn.com
Visit Krista-Lynn's website to learn more about her services: www.Krista-Lynn.com
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SOULutions--Answers For Everything
Beyond Resolutions: How to Create Deliberate Change
Another year has come and gone and many of us wonder if we are any the wiser for it. As you read this, you can probably recall years past, and the New Year’s resolutions you’ve made that did not last through the winter. You’re not alone: 37% of people will have abandoned their resolutions within eight weeks.
On average, 100 Million Americans make New ...
<< MORE >>BEATING ANXIETY
QUESTION:
Do you have any tips on how to deal with anxiety? I've always been a bit jumpy, but in recent years it has morphed into an issue. I worry all the time! I worry when I am at work, I worry at school, I worry when I have to talk to someone, or if I am in a crowd. I'm always anxious because I know I am going to mess up in some way.
I feel like a real looser sometimes, like I just can't get a grip on it. I am a guy and I'm supposed to be strong. Anxiety makes me feel like a big wimp. I really need help! I am a full-time student and can't afford therapy, and I have no insurance so medication is out of the question. Can you share some advice for beating anxiety on my own.
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Though it is often said in jest, quite literally, your problems are all in your mind! Your anxiety is created by the thoughts you choose to focus on. Two thoughts cannot exist simultaneously, which means that when you are focused on thoughts like, "I'm a looser who's going to mess up" you have blocked out the thoughts that create peace of mind.
Worrying is a choice. While we may not choose the thoughts that run through our minds, we do choose what we focus on. You really can choose not to worry, you may have to make that choice one thousand times, but, with practice, you will learn a better way and find peace.
By monitoring your thoughts, and choosing to focus your attention on solutions, rather than problems, the effects of anxiety will cease to have a hold on you. Meditation with the use of positive affirmations will assist you in focusing your attention in the right direction.
The first step in calming your mind is simply to breathe. As soon as you catch yourself worrying, stop, and take several deep breaths; pull the air deep into your belly, and up into your lungs, then slowly release. Keep breathing fully and slowly, until you feel centered and calm.
Once you have centered yourself, begin to notice the thoughts going through your mind. Note how you feel when you focus upon a thought. Though we have many, there are really just two kinds of thoughts; those that feel good and those that feel bad when we focus on them.
The sensations running through your body will tell you if a thought is good or bad for you. Negative thoughts, like worry, will often make your belly tighten and constrict, they create fear and feel bad. Positive thoughts will uplift you, bringing a sense of vitality and peace. You can always change your thoughts by shifting your focus to something that feels better.
Reciting affirmations, either silently or aloud, will help you to remain focused on the positive. Create and recite affirmations that empower you, making you feel strong and brave. You've spent enough time putting yourself down, now it is time to lift yourself up. It is imperative that you start focusing on what is right about you.
Right now you are just stuck in a pattern; you've grown accustomed to suffering. Set a new intention! Decide right now that you deserve joy, peace, happiness and contentment.
When you decide that you deserve to feel good you will start to get better.
It will require some work on your part, but I promise you, you can overcome this problem. It was brave of you to reach out for support, and I encourage you to remain open to assistance. You don't have to go this alone!
Sometimes psychotherapy is the best route, and you may be wrong about not being able to afford it. Most cities have centers (State funded or non-profit) that offer low to no-cost counseling; often the cost of a session is offered on a "sliding scale" based on what you earn. Schools also offer discounted or free counseling to their students, and the same can be said about medications.
I suggest doing some research to find out about mental health programs in your area. You'll find a wealth of information in your local newspapers and phonebook, and on the internet. There is hope! Sometimes you just need to dig a bit to get to the solution.
Since you specifically mentioned becoming anxious when you have to speak with someone, or at work, I would say that low self esteem is causing the brunt of your problems. It sounds to me that you worry most about what people will think of you, or that you may fail, or say something silly. It's time to rewrite the story! Choose to have some faith in your abilities and your anxieties will begin to wane.
With continuous effort you can change your thoughts and anxiety will be a thing of the past. I say this with absolute confidence, since I was plagued for years with a totally debilitating anxiety/panic disorder. By changing the way I think my life has changed for the better! You too can take charge of your mind and claim the inner peace that is your right.
If your symptoms do persist, I strongly encourage you to seek professional counseling. The following links will help you to find a licensed therapist in your area:
READER RESPONSE:
I was extremely impressed by your answers, Krista-Lynn----I noticed the depth and breadth of your intelligence with your first appearance. I thought your answer to the guy who experienced constant anxiety was BRILLIANT!
E. Jean Carroll
Advice Columnist, ELLE MAGAZINE
CELEBRATION -- 7 Keys to Maximizing Success -- AWAKEN Talk Radio
Download | Duration: 00:59:03
Join Krista-Lynn and Jenna for an enlightening discussion about the power of celebration. Celebration is joy mixed with gratitude, a powerful combination that lifts the spirit and attracts more of what you're thankful for.
If we exist in a constant state of doing, nothing we do will ever be enough. Until we begin to celebrate the moments of our life we are kept one step from our joy.
Success comes both from what you do with your life, and the contentment you feel. Discover how to maximize your success by celebrating every step of your journey.
Overcoming Fear -- AWAKEN Talk Radio
Download | Duration: 01:00:07
Join Krista-Lynn and Jenna for an enlightening discussion about how to release, and overcome fear -- once and for all! During this inspiring episode, Krista-Lynn and Jenna coach a caller from San Diego through a deep fear. Caller from NJ shares about overcoming writer's block.
FAITH: The Power of Belief -- AWAKEN Talk Radio
Download | Duration: 01:00:21
Humans say, "I'll believe it when I see it." Angels say, "You will see it when you believe it . . . " Krista-Lynn and Jenna discuss the power of faith, and how to have it even when you don't see proof. Discussion explores accessing The Law of Attraction.
AWAKEN Talk Radio
Listen LIVE Thursdays at 10:30am pst.
Call in and be a part of the conversation:347.945.6373
THE POWER OF WORDS
QUESTION:
There's a common theme in my life right now: everyone says that I am a jerk! My friends and family are all saying I am rude, insensitive, and sometimes mean. The problem is that I always say whatever's on my mind and because of this I'm constantly apologizing because I've offended someone.
Honestly, I am a kind and caring person, I just say the wrong things sometimes. How can I stop hurting people with my words? Give me some tips quickly, because I am really tired of hurting people. I truly don't mean to!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
It's just not cool to blurt out every thought that runs through your mind. You must learn to keep your opinions to yourself, because as you've seen, words can hurt.
From now on, pause, and take three deep breaths before you say ANYTHING. Take a moment to tune in within, asking yourself if what you are about to say is uplifting and kind, or biting and rude.
If someone comes to you with a problem imagine yourself in their shoes, and give the advice you feel would help you in that situation. Only speak your mind when what you have to say is actually helpful, and when you do speak, watch your tone.
You have expressed a genuine desire to improve, anon, and that tells me that you really are a kind and compassionate person, you're just sometimes not very thoughtful . . . Think before you speak and your problem will be solved.
There's a common theme in my life right now: everyone says that I am a jerk! My friends and family are all saying I am rude, insensitive, and sometimes mean. The problem is that I always say whatever's on my mind and because of this I'm constantly apologizing because I've offended someone.
Honestly, I am a kind and caring person, I just say the wrong things sometimes. How can I stop hurting people with my words? Give me some tips quickly, because I am really tired of hurting people. I truly don't mean to!!!
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
It's just not cool to blurt out every thought that runs through your mind. You must learn to keep your opinions to yourself, because as you've seen, words can hurt.
From now on, pause, and take three deep breaths before you say ANYTHING. Take a moment to tune in within, asking yourself if what you are about to say is uplifting and kind, or biting and rude.
If someone comes to you with a problem imagine yourself in their shoes, and give the advice you feel would help you in that situation. Only speak your mind when what you have to say is actually helpful, and when you do speak, watch your tone.
You have expressed a genuine desire to improve, anon, and that tells me that you really are a kind and compassionate person, you're just sometimes not very thoughtful . . . Think before you speak and your problem will be solved.
FROM SHY TO SOULFUL
QUESTION:
This weekend I was at a party and not one person spoke to me. Help!! It is really difficult for me to make new friends. My close friends, who've known me since childhood, say it's because I put off a vibe that I am better than people, or indifferent. The truth is that I am really shy and I get nervous around people. How can I come off as more likeable and welcoming? I'd like to attract people rather than repel them.
KRISTA-LYNN'S:
Shine from within and you will exude a warmth that welcomes people. Imagine that there is a light switch inside of you that you can turn on full blast when you want to be seen. Shine this light through your eyes, adding a smile and a positive attitude, and people will naturally be drawn to the sparkle of your soul.
Next time you're at a party go out of your way to reach out your hand and introduce yourself to others. Many people feel the same sense of shyness that you do, be bold and say hello first, they will really appreciate you breaking the ice and making the first move.
This weekend I was at a party and not one person spoke to me. Help!! It is really difficult for me to make new friends. My close friends, who've known me since childhood, say it's because I put off a vibe that I am better than people, or indifferent. The truth is that I am really shy and I get nervous around people. How can I come off as more likeable and welcoming? I'd like to attract people rather than repel them.
KRISTA-LYNN'S:
Shine from within and you will exude a warmth that welcomes people. Imagine that there is a light switch inside of you that you can turn on full blast when you want to be seen. Shine this light through your eyes, adding a smile and a positive attitude, and people will naturally be drawn to the sparkle of your soul.
Next time you're at a party go out of your way to reach out your hand and introduce yourself to others. Many people feel the same sense of shyness that you do, be bold and say hello first, they will really appreciate you breaking the ice and making the first move.
OPRAH, I AM READY FOR MY DEBUT!
QUESTION:
What would YOU do to be on The Oprah Winfrey Show?
(photo courtesy of www.teachmeteamwork.com)
Working with Oprah has been a goal/intention of mine for years.
If you're listening O, here's my dream:
1) To write a spiritually based monthly column for O Magazine
2) To be one of the hosts on the Oprah & Friends radio station
3) To be the resident "Soul Coach" like Gary Zukav, back in the day.
Help make my dream come true!
If you love my advice and inspiration, let Oprah know: EMAIL OPRAH
Oprah, give me a call!
What would YOU do to be on The Oprah Winfrey Show?
(photo courtesy of www.teachmeteamwork.com)
Working with Oprah has been a goal/intention of mine for years.
If you're listening O, here's my dream:
1) To write a spiritually based monthly column for O Magazine
2) To be one of the hosts on the Oprah & Friends radio station
3) To be the resident "Soul Coach" like Gary Zukav, back in the day.
Help make my dream come true!
If you love my advice and inspiration, let Oprah know: EMAIL OPRAH
Oprah, give me a call!
THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
QUESTION:
I keep hearing about, "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne, can you tell me what it is?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
"THE SECRET"
I keep hearing about, "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne, can you tell me what it is?
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
"THE SECRET"
ALL ABOUT EVERYONE BUT ME!
QUESTION:
My problem is that I never have enough time in my day because I can't say no to people. It seems like all of my time is spent attending to other peoples needs and wants, and at the end of the day all I want is for someone to take care of me! Actually, I don't even know what I want anymore. HELP! What can I do to take charge of my life and stop being used (that is how I feel).
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Maybe your problem, is really a problem? What you've described sounds like codependence.
PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE:
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.
DENIAL PATTERNS:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
LOW SELF ESTEEM PATTERNS:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
COMPLIANCE PATTERNS:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.
CONTROL PATTERNS:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
If you can relate, know that there is help, if you want it!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self.
Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.
We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others.
In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.
This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.
(Reprinted from the website www.CoDA.org with permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA, Inc).)
If you identify with the above descriptions get the help you deserve!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
My problem is that I never have enough time in my day because I can't say no to people. It seems like all of my time is spent attending to other peoples needs and wants, and at the end of the day all I want is for someone to take care of me! Actually, I don't even know what I want anymore. HELP! What can I do to take charge of my life and stop being used (that is how I feel).
KRISTA-LYNN'S ADVICE:
Maybe your problem, is really a problem? What you've described sounds like codependence.
PATTERNS & CHARACTERISTICS OF CODEPENDENCE:
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.
DENIAL PATTERNS:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
LOW SELF ESTEEM PATTERNS:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
COMPLIANCE PATTERNS:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.
CONTROL PATTERNS:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
If you can relate, know that there is help, if you want it!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery -- learning to love the self.
Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.
We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others.
In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.
This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.
(Reprinted from the website www.CoDA.org with permission of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. (CoDA, Inc).)
If you identify with the above descriptions get the help you deserve!
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
Thoughts are energetic, each thought creates a specific vibration and this vibration is what attracts people and situations to us.
EXAMPLES:
If you are gossipy, judgmental, mean, angry, hateful, and overall negative, you will be met with the same in kind - GUARANTEED - your thoughts will attract similar types of people to you; it is how the Law of Attraction works. Kind, compassionate, loving people will be repelled by you; they are of a high vibration, while negative thinking makes a person's vibration low, and very heavy.
If you always focus on being poor and having no money, you'll repeatedly have money problems, and you will most likely never get rich. You have to believe you can be wealthy before it can happen to you.
If you believe that every man is a cheat - every man will cheat on you. Your expectancy will create the reality.
When you go into the world with a bad attitude you will continue to meet people who piss you off; your own negativity is what attracted it to you.
If you are not totally happy with who you are, and what you're experiencing in your life, change will only come about if/when you change your thoughts. That's just the way life works . . .
The truth is, most of you have probably seen evidence in your life of this powerful law in motion, you just doubt it.
EXAMPLE: You can't stop thinking about someone that you haven't seen in ages, then suddenly, they call out of the blue, and tell you how you kept popping into their head!
Try focusing on what you desire - not what you fear - and you just might be blessedly surprised by the improvements that result. It's really worth giving it a try . . .
Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life